This climb you are embarking on is not the easiest path; in fact, at times, it will feel like one of the steepest and most treacherous paths you’ve ever climbed. But remember one thing, as you try to find your foothold each time, you get ready to pull yourself up to the next higher level. The view at the top is so spectacular you’ll find it worth all the pain and struggles you will encounter.
I’ve compiled some words of wisdom passed down to me from what I call “my angels” along the way during the darkest moments of my divorce and the years of fighting for the safety of my kids that followed. You may have been the one that said these words to me during this time, and now, you need to hear them yourself to help you stay strong through your days of despair.
Read them quietly, and you’ll have a chance to feel their power and strength. Let them live in your thoughts whenever you face a new obstacle on your path to victory. These words will give you the power to either walk around it or move it out of your way so you can continue on your journey to your new life.
1. Do Not Date Just Yet
Do not date! At least not yet. You’ll only find the same type of man attracted to you, and you need to find out why you married a man like the one you are now divorcing so you don’t end up in the same boat again. Deal with your past first, and face the pain that got you here in the first place before bringing the same problems back into your life that you have decided to now remove.
READ: 10 TIPS ON HOW TO STOP A DIVORCE
2. Take Good care of yourself
Now that you’ve freed yourself from trying to take care of your husband and to change him, it’s time to take care of yourself! You come first now. Your children will benefit from every step you take to better yourself because you will be happier and set the ultimate example of handling tough situations like the one you’re in. Get your feet wet. Take a class! Learn a new skill, go back, and finish a dream you began long ago. Become who you always wanted to be when you were growing up!
Not only will you become more marketable in the job market, but you’ll also find yourself doing something you love rather than doing what you have to do in order to survive. Most importantly, you’ll be teaching your children by example that they, too, can rise above difficult challenges and make their own dream come true. Remember, they’re watching every move you make, you are their hero, and they aspire to be like you. As a result, give them a positive role model to live up to for your sake and theirs.
3. Reach out for help
This brings me to this….you are a survivor, not a victim. Great struggles lead to greater blessings. You will survive this difficult time even though it doesn’t feel that way right now. Reach out for ALL the help you can find out there, and trust me, many people are ready and willing to help you. Swallow that pride and ask for help. You deserve it just as much as the next person. We are given one chance to fulfil our destinies in this world. You are no longer responsible for your husband’s, but you are responsible for your own. Therefore, stop finding excuses and go after your dreams today!
4. Communicate With God
Pray every single day. I mean, get down on your knees and pray to God through Jesus Christ, your Lord. He suffered too, and truly understood your pain. He will carry your prayers to God and speak on your behalf. I can promise you that your prayers will not only be heard but will also be answered. You will hear his response in the quiet times you give to him.
Open the Bible (get a study so you can read the explanations at the bottom of the pages) and READ IT! God will speak to you through His Words in the Bible, especially in Psalms. He protected and guided David through his darkest moments, and He will protect you too. He loves you, and you are his child. Like your own children, he doesn’t want anything or anyone to hurt you. As a good child, you must obey and listen to Him in return. When you finally let go of control of the situation, He will take over and create the miracles you desperately need.
5. Take it slow day by day
Do not rush today away thinking that if you do, the pain won’t be there tomorrow. The pain will be there and stronger if you don’t deal with it today. Be courageous in this battle to reclaim your identity and joy back. Stand up to the issues of your past, seek a wise counsellor you can trust with your past, and finally get past your childhood and finally move into adulthood.
No one taught us how to do this when we were teens. Instead, we did stupid things like drugs, drank, and had sex with numerous people we didn’t even know. Some of you had babies out of wedlock, cheated on your boyfriends, and sometimes crashed our cars. Sometimes we backstabbed our best friends and, at the time, stole from our parents. Then we married men that didn’t make us happy no matter how hard we tried to make them happy. They refused to grow up and deal with their own issues so they could take care of us as we needed them to. They chose to remain little boys instead of growing up and becoming men.
Yes, we were sure that if we did all of these things, we would be happy and find what we were missing in our hearts and souls. No one taught us how to find our happiness and how to handle the pain in life. We faced a world with abundant insecurity.
None of those things did us any good, though, did they? That’s because we forgot how special we are. We forgot to take care of ourselves first. You see, you cannot truly love another and give to another until you first have love to give. If you walk around telling yourself you are a piece of garbage, then you are not a person who loves yourself now, are you?
READ: WHAT IS LOVE? – IS IT REALLY JUST AN EMOTION
If you don’t love yourself, you don’t have the love inside of you to give fully to another. So please, find your own love for yourself first, my friend (s). Treat yourself as well as you treat others. Find good things to say about yourself. You’ll attract a better, stronger person someday because you won’t need to prove to yourself that you’re worthy by trying to change a weaker person ever again.
There is love after divorce, but the love that you must find first is the one within.