You’re constantly dwelling on thoughts of your ex boyfriend, the relationship you had, how much you miss him, everything you’d like to say or do to him, and above all, whether you might be with him again. Your relationship has ended, and you do not know if it is worthwhile to try again or whether there is anything left to do.
Do you want to know how to get your ex boyfriend back? At The Breakup Cafe, we help you clarify whether you should go back to your ex boyfriend. What are the factors to consider, and how to get your ex boyfriend back when all is lost?
Is it good to get back with your ex boyfriend?
Couples often experience periods of “intermittent stages” in their relationship, which, although not very pleasant, are sometimes necessary and show us that we can make the relationship work again. Even so, there are essential points to analyze before deciding definitively that you want to get back with your ex boyfriend: the who, how, and why you left the relationship influence determining whether or not getting back can be a good decision and whether it is more or less likely.
Can you get your ex boyfriend back?
Studies conclude that the main factor influencing reconciliations is uncertainty. Specifically, uncertainty regarding the status of the relationship. This is especially true in relationships ending after one partner has asked to break up or in relationships in which the two parties, even after they have broken up, continue to see each other and do the same things they did when they were together.
Another factor to take into account is that getting back with your ex boyfriend is more likely to happen when it was one of the two parties who decided to end the relationship. And not if, on the contrary, the breakup was mutually agreed upon. If your ex boyfriend decided to end and left, for some vague reason, he will likely return.
Advantages of getting back together with your ex boyfriend
- You already know each other. However, you are not the same person as when you two met. Although, you know each other, in the little things, in each other’s quirks, and in what works and doesn’t work for you.
- Second chance. To do things better and learn from your mistakes. Show each other that you love the relationship and that you can learn from your mistakes and improve.
- To banish doubt. After carefully examining all of the pros and cons of reuniting with your ex boyfriend, if you still have doubts, it might be worth taking advantage of that silver lining. You might even end up closer if it works. If it doesn’t work out, at least you won’t be left wondering.
Drawbacks of getting back together with your ex boyfriend
- It’s not the same anymore. After some time has passed since the breakup, we tend to remember the good things more than the bad, with the danger of forgetting the reasons why the relationship ended and idealizing your ex boyfriend so that, when you go back, you find yourself with a different reality than the one you imagined. The person who left your life was no longer the same as when you met him.
- Repeating mistakes. You can fall into the same dynamics that caused you to separate.
- It does not let you evolve. When we are with a person for a long time, we stop being ourselves and lose a part of ourselves because we are no longer “just me” all the time. We adapt to the relationship, even in small things, to make it work. We forget things we used to do when we were single, etc.
How to attract your ex boyfriend
One of the main reasons that promote the return of ex-partners is the continued attachment to the other person and vice versa. It is highly probable that your ex boyfriend still has feelings for you and misses you, and this is something that plays in your favor and you should try to exploit.
In addition, a series of studies have found the reasons why couples get back together. In The Breakup Cafe, we summarise them so that you can consider them if you want to win back your ex boyfriend.
Show willingness to change
That the other person perceives that you want to make an effort and work so that the relationship works again and you are well is fundamental so that your ex boyfriend is more predisposed to try again.
Be more attentive, understanding, and tolerant
Changes in the couple’s characteristics, including positive aspects or behavior improvements, are the basis of any reconciliation.
Get together. Maintaining continuous contact, seeing each other frequently, and increasing the time you spend together are factors that increase the chances of re-establishing a relationship.
Not only in the erotic sense but especially on the emotional side. Many reconciliations occur after the partners show more interest in each other, have a greater emotional connection, be more willing to get to know the partner better, find new things in common, etc.
Communicating more effectively, and talking about everything, implies having an explicit and decisive conversation about all the issues that led to the breakup. Here we have an unmissable opportunity to demonstrate the first two points: to show the predisposition to work to make the relationship work and the necessary attitudes to do so. Check out this article on how to improve communication in a relationship.
Ask for forgiveness and forgive
Two necessary acts to be able to move forward in any relationship. Acknowledging what you did wrong in the past and asking for forgiveness explicitly for it is another demonstration that it is worth trying again. Here are some tips for genuine forgiveness.
By these, we mean trying to eliminate, as much as possible, any factor that in the past constituted an impediment to a positive evolution of the relationship. For example, distance, never having time for the other person, etc.
The fact that friends or relatives support your relationship is something that will facilitate the circumstances for your reconciliation.
Be the best option
Finally, you have to keep in mind that something that every human being does is to compare. After a breakup, it is normal to compare the previous situation with the current one and the situation of being with you again with the alternatives (being alone or being with others).
How to get back together with your ex boyfriend
Before getting back together with your ex boyfriend, you must ensure that all the problems that caused your breakup have disappeared. It is also important to ensure that you want to get back together because of the love you still feel for him and not for reasons that concern you. The latter could be, for example, being unable to be alone or lacking self-esteem. For these cases, we recommend reading the following articles: How to move on after a breakup.
Once you are sure that your motives are “pure”, you must ensure that they are also “pure” and that they want to get back together. There is no point in getting back together with your ex boyfriend if he is not sure or if he does it for reasons such as those described in the previous paragraph.
- Communicate, talk. The return must be consensual. Surely you will have talked a lot about your feelings and why you want to get back together (and if not, you must do it!), but it is also essential to talk about how you want this reunion to be, what dynamics you do not want to repeat, set limits, etc.
- Set your own pace. No one is chasing you, and there is no set rule about how you have to get back together. If you were living together before and it didn’t work out, there is no need to move back together the first time. And vice versa, if you were far apart before and it caused problems, it may be time to dare to go one step further. Cheer up!
If you want to read more articles on how to get your ex boyfriend back when all is lost, we recommend you visit our breakup category.