I have been fortunate enough to have only suffered through a few breakups in my life that ultimately rocked my sense of self, heart, and stable mindset. With each breakup, the intensity has grown, the ability to shake it has lessened, and the internal, agonising cuts seem only to cut deeper. With that said, I have only been dumped once; I caused the rest of my relationships’ demise, but that didn’t stop the hurt or the prolonged heartache.
I can tell you that the feelings that overcome you during a breakup might truly be the only universal feeling in the world. There are so many forms of love and happiness that it’s hard to pinpoint them truly, but heartache is universally felt. You can’t help but feel the all-consuming anguish when you see someone going through a breakup. I always describe it as half of my body falling off and nothing filling its void. So while there is little solace to take at the moment, you can take comfort in knowing that EVERYONE has felt this way. They survived, and so will you.
But if it’s advice you’re looking for, I will provide you with my foolproof breakup recipe that will help ease the pain and bring back the old yet new you.
My Foolproof Breakup Recipe
After breaking up, I allow myself to eat, cry and drink as much as I want for one week. This is the purging period. You can complain to your friends, eat the most fattening food in the world, post sappy songs on Facebook, and stay in sweatpants for days on end, but on day 8, it’s all over. Healthy living can help you to move on.
The Detox Period
On day 8, you begin your detox. Empty your house of all fattening food and alcohol. Toss any item that reminds you of your ex. If you think you may regret it in the end, hand all items off to a trusted friend. Stock your fridge with healthy food and begin an exercise regime. If these are things you haven’t ever done, take the time to research how to eat right and work out. These two things are imperative to restoring your sense of self. Block or hide your ex on Facebook. Delete your ex’s number and take down all photos. And then, finally, think back to all your hobbies before dating your ex and figure out how you can get back to them.
For the next month, you will eat healthily, abstain from sex, work out regularly, and get back to doing all the things you love. Make time for friends and family and lead a balanced work, social and healthy life. Do not try to date anyone or contact your ex. Do not hit on anyone. Excuse yourself from anyone hitting on you because this period is about you and only you. Deviating will only prolong your healing.
One Month Post-Breakup
After one month, you could still be sad, but you will feel invigorated, you will glow from all of the healthy food you’ve been consuming, you will feel stronger, physically and mentally, and you’ll be providing your happiness again by doing all the things you love. You’ll be so busy that you won’t have time to mope and look great.
At this time, I suggest going out and buying a new vibrator or fleshlight because you’re probably dying for some action at this point. You can find great options at the Club X. Keeping these toys around will keep you from making rash decisions when going out on dates–because, at this time, I suggest going out on a date. See how you react; if it feels too soon, you know you must continue the detox period. The detox period could last anywhere from one to six months. Continue to test your progress by going on the occasional date. All the while, you are simultaneously regaining yourself but making a new you.
This recipe doesn’t unbreak your heart; it just helps you refocus your energy and keeps you from wallowing in self-pity. When you’re focusing on yourself, you don’t have time to think about how some guy or girl broke your heart. It sucks, there’s no other way to put it, but with the right attitude, you can come out on top; I promise.